Picking at Scabs.

I have to go back and figure some things out. Firstly I need to untangle a professional train wreck. I'm filing for unemployment benefits because I can't find a damn job here in Maine. I really don't want to file, not because of pride, but because I'd much rather find work, and, to be honest, the process is forcing me to reopen a chapter I thought was closed for good.

My last two jobs in New York were 1099 contracts (freelance jobs in NYC-speak) and therefore do not interest the NY State Dept. of Labor when it comes to assessing my qualifications for receiving unemployment benefits. They want to know who my last "employer" was and by that they mean W2 work. OK, so that would be a job I quit, which sort of disqualifies me for unemployment benefits. But I only quit because I was about to be fired... does that matter?

The answer: maybe.

In order for NYSDL to make a judgment, they need some forms filled in. The exercise of answering their questions brought back memories of being SO frustrated and SO depressed during the six months I worked for (let's call them) "Smacky."

1. Employer name: "Smacky"
2. How long did you work for this employer: 6 months
3. What was the last date you worked for this employer? 3/23/2007
4. What was your rate of pay? $31/hour; no benefits whatsoever.
5. What were your hours and days of work? 10am-6pm Mon-Fri.
6. What kind of work did you do? Computer support for clients of "Smacky."
7. Why did you quit your job? (Give specific reason): My employer was unhappy with my work. It was clear from his feedback and frustration that I was not a good fit for "Smacky." I believed that I would be fired soon and I did not want a termination on my record.
8. What final incident (on or off the job) caused you to quit? (Please describe in detail. If there was no specific incident that resulted in your quitting, please state this.) Several weekly formal meetings and daily informal meetings eventually revealed that our frustration had reached a point requiring action. I asked whether an "exit strategy" should be pursued and my boss indicated that he thought that was the best idea.
9. Were there any previous incidents that influenced you to quit your job? I was put into a situation with a client in which I was expected to produce results in a short time under high-pressure without the tools and information I needed. When I failed under these impossible circumstances, I was made to feel at fault by my employer. Also, my boss reduced my hours and clients which made me feel that I was being "phased out" of the company.
10. Before you quit, did you take any action to resolve the situation? If yes, describe the results of the action. My boss and I met weekly for several weeks to try to find ways for me to continue working at "Smacky." Smacky reduced my hours and clients to try to make me feel less overwhelmed.
11. Did you notify your employer that you were leaving? Yes. On what date? 3/1/2007. What reason did you give for quitting? I was unable to work under "Smacky" management. I felt inadequate and micro-managed. My professional self-confidence was eroded. I felt set up to fail. I was becoming increasingly depressed as a result.

Now I fax the form back and wait three weeks.